Harry Potter Insanity
by Kittyninja9314
Summary: Uh...I'm bad at summaries. Put it shortly, it's a parody of Harry Potter, and my friends, family, and I are going to make most of the peoples' lives at Hogwarts miserable XD
1. Chapter 1

**Harry Potter Insanity Chapter 1**

**This is pretty much a fanfic my friends and I came up with, although most of it is funny (well...we think it is XD), there is some point that it will get serious. WARNING TO DRACO MALFOY FANS: We will be pretty much finding many ways possible to humiliate him, so if you're a fan of his, I suggest reading a different story. Also, please do not flame, this is my first story ^^" Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter or its characters, J.K. Rowling is what we look like; me- .org/avatar/30824375 Itachi's- .org/avatar/30824466 Neko's- .org/avatar/30824606 Misa's- .org/avatar/30824825**

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**Four girls that were going to school suddenly heard the P.A. go off during lunch and decided to ignore it since it didn't really say anything really that important until they heard their names. "I repeat, Kailynn Ashe, Taylor Holguin, Krystal Maurer, and Callista Vantrease come to the principal's office please." Krystal looked at her friends in horror whereas Callista and Kailynn exchanged confused looks and Taylor just looked plain bored and was staring at the P.A. speaker blankly.**

**"Itachi...PLEASE don't tell me you threatened to bomb the school!" Krystal said. **

**Taylor looked at her annoyed and said "Why the hell do you always assume it was me that caused us to be called to the office? I mean, bombing the school sounds like a great idea and all, but seriously, what the hell?" **

**Callista and Kailynn started laughing hard while Krystal said "It could happen." and then she joined in with them.**

**Taylor rolled her eyes and said "Right, then." They all ate their lunch and headed to the principal's office. Krystal was about to say something, but Taylor said "If you come up with another reason that assumes I caused it for us to go to the office, I will go Dr. Jackal on you." When Krystal made a scared look, Callista and Kailynn laughed.**

**"Nice one, Itachi." Callista said in between laughs. **

**By the time they went into the office, Taylor immediately said "For whatever reason we're in trouble, I did not do anything." **

**"It wasn't my fault, it was the slushies!!" Callista said after Taylor. **

**"I swear to God, I did not blackmail anyone." As Krystal said that, an embarassing picture of a student fell out of her sleeve. She kicked it aside and said "You didn't see that." While the other three were coming up with excuses of why they were innocent, Kailynn was thinking 'If this is another college application, I'm out of here.' **

**The principal looked at them oddly and said "No...this is about you four moving to a different school." **

**"YAAAAY!" Callista, Taylor, and Krystal said and then all of them tilted their heads and asked "What?" **

**"I got four letters here for each of you and another letter telling me about your letters and that I won't have to deal with you four." He handed the envelopes to them. While the principal was talking about the letter he got, Krystal snuck underneath a chair and retrieved the photo she kicked underneath it and she put it in her pocker. 'Heh, heh, heh, now no one will know about that blackmailing photo.' Krystal thought with an evil grin. **

**"Uh...Tobi? Are you still with us?" Kailynn asked, waving her hand in front of Krystal's face to get her attention.**

**"Wait, what?" she responded cluelessly. **

**"Aren't you going to open your letter?" Kailynn asked, although she was a little annoyed that Krystal wasn't paying very much attention. **

**They all opened their letters up and Callista said "Yay! I've been accepted into a school that has hogs with warts!" **

**"Uh...Neko...the school is called Hogwarts..." Taylor said. The principle looked like he was trying to hide his amusement, but he failed to do so.**

**"Oh." Callista said. **

**"But there's a problem about all of this." Krystal said while there was a few minutes of silence. **

**"What?" Kailynn asked as she waited for her to answer. **

**"How are we going to go to Hogwarts if we don't even know where it is?" **

**"...Tobi's got a point." Taylor said. **

**"Maybe the people that work there will pick us up?" Callista suggested.**

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**I know that was kind of short but, meh, what are you gonna do? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it ^^ Review if you'd like, I will also put chapter 2 up as well**


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter Insanity Chapter 2

Welcome to HPI chapter 2, I hope you all enjoy and my brother is in this too and he looks like this- .org/avatar/31100423 Disclamer: I do not own Harry Potter or it's characters, J.K. Rowling does. I also don't own my brother's or my friend's side of the story XD

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"I agree with Neko." Kailynn said. Krystal and Taylor looked at each other and shrugged.

"Don't worry about that, someone will pick you up at your houses and take you there." the principal said.

"Oh, okay." the four girls replied.

"Is there anything else sir? Or can we go?" Kailynn asked.

"No, I don't think so. You are welcome to leave."

"Thank you." The girls walked out into the hall to gather their things.

"Oh! Wait a minute, guys!" Kailynn exclaimed as she ran backto the principal. "Sir?"

"Yes--wait, I thought you were leaving?"

"We are, I just thought to ask you what you wanted us to do with our books, seeing as it's the middle of the day."

"Oh, just leave them in your lockers."

"Okay." and with that, Kailynn walked back to her waiting friends.

"What was that about?" Krystal asked when Kailynn walked up behind them.

"Oh, just asking what he wanted us to do with our textbooks."

"Always being goody-goody." Taylor said as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, hush." everyone laughed and went their separate ways to gather their things.

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Taylor's side of the story: F= Flitwick, T= Taylor

Taylor walked to the front door to answer it and she was rather taken back when she opened the door.

T: Uh...hello?

F: Hello, you must be Taylor? ^^

T: Uh...depends...and...you do know Halloween isn't for, like, another two months, right?

F: I'm well aware of what month it is.

T: ...Then why are you wearing a costume? *Like I'm one to talk, I'm wearing a neko hat.*

F: I'm dressed like this because I'm from Hogwarts! I've come to take you to get your supplies and escort you to the school! .

T: Oh...uh...sorry... ^^;

F: Sigh...It's alright. Go and say your goodbye's and get the stuff you're bringing with you from your house.

T: Uh, okay...uh...you can come in and sit down while I get my stuff ^^;

F: Ah, thank you ^^ *can tell I'm trying really hard to keep comments to myself*

*Goes and gathers stuff in a giant bag. Flitwick talks to my mom blah blah blah...*

*Lots of silence*

T: Sooo...what exactly are we doing now?

F: We are going to meet up with the others at a portkey so we can head to Diagon Alley and get your supplies. ^^

T: Others? ...I'm guessing you're talking about Tobi, Neko, and Misa, right?

F: I don't know the others' names, I was only told of yours.

T: Oh...hey...how do you know that I'm Taylor? I never said I was...I could be Bob for all you know...

F: Your mother clarified that for me ^^ *is starting to get annoyed*

*More slience*

T: Sooo...uh...how do you like the weather in crappy little Findlay, Ohio? *Trying (and failing) to make small talk*

F: *Ignores question* Ah! Here we are!

T: -_- Fine...ignore me... *Looks up* Oh...hey guys... ^^;

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Callista's side of story:

I paced around the room. 'Where were they?! I was supposed to be picked up to go to that school. Hogs with warts, right?' It was 8:00 pm and they still weren't here! And I was all packed too...

A knock at my door suddenly rang out, making me jump and my dogs go crazy. I quickly pushed them back and opened the door to...

A lady. In peasant-like clothes...

'What the hell?' was my first thought.

"Uh...hello?" I asked the lady.

"Hello, are you Miss Callista?" the woman greeted cheerfully. I opened the door wider to let her in. My dogs seemed to have to love her. Even Griffen came up to her. And he's afraid of everyone!

"Yeah...I'm Callista...are you here to take me to...uh..." I said hesitantly.

"Yes, I am. I'm Professor Sprout, the head of Hufflepuff house." Professor Sprout answered.

'Sprout?' I thought, "Uh...are you related to a Ryan Sprout?" I questioned tilting my head.

"Who?" She squeaked. I shook my head, she mist not be.

"Well then, grab your bags and we'll be off!" Sprout chirped. I nodded and rushed to get them. I came back with them and my favorite Skelianimals beanie cap. I pulled it on and was out the door. Outside there were a pair of brooms.

'Wait, when did brooms float?!' I mused as I stared at the mystic brooms.

"Well, hop on." Sprout encouraged.

"I know it's your first time. All you need to do is push off with your foot." she explained. I hesitated at first, but got on. I was kinda scared at first, not at the height, but more of how to control it. But, I figured it out fairly quickly. By distributing my weight and keeping a firm hold, I could keep it going straight, and by shifting it, I could turn and change speed.

We quickly arrived and spotted everyone. "Hi guys!" I cheered.

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Kailynn's side of the story:

Running around my room, I gathered my clothes and books. I could hear the TV out in the living room as Mom watched NCIS as I grabbed my MP3 and headset. Double checking everything, I decided to grab my CD's as well. It's not like me to go anywhere without my music. Zipping up my bag and throwing it on my shoulder, I grabbed my latest light reading book and headed out of my room only to meet a guy with short black hair with onix eyes and black robes instead of one of my posters of the Jonas Brothers. "AHHHH!!!" I screamed throwing my book in the air. "Who the hell...MY BOOK!" dropping my bag, I jumped on the bed to retrieve my book from behind the bed after it hit my poster of Edward Culen that was nailed to my ceiling.

"My first impression of you is that you are an idiot."

"I am not!" I said jumping off my bed holding my book protectively against my chest. "I just care about my books."

"Whatever." the strange guy said walking out of my room and down the hall.

"And you can't say I'm an idiot seeing as you don't even know me." I said walking behind him.

"Oh yes I do, miss Kailynn Ashe."

"WHAT'S UP!" I yelled in his ear.

"You're also very annoying."

"No, she's just very hyper." my mother said getting up and giving me a hug.

"She's still annoying."

"Ok, you know me but I don't know you." I said placing my bag on the love seat.

"I am Professor Severus Snape, head of the Slytherin house at Hogwarts." Snape replied.

"Ok then." I said getting my shoes on.

"Will you hurry up, we are on a tight schedule."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm ready, I'm ready, so how are we getting there anyway?"

"Let's go outside and I'll show you."

'This ought to be fun.' I thought walking out to the front yard, where two brooms were floating, ready to go.

"Sweet, floating brooms...wait, FLOATING BROOMS! ARE YOU CRAZY, I'M NOT GETTING ON THAT THING ALONE!" I yelled, scared as hell of getting on a flying broom.

"If you want to go to school at Hogwarts, then get on." Snape said calmly but slightly annoyed.

"HA! Yeah, ok, if I'm getting on a flying broom, then I'm with you, so get over it." I said as Snape rolled his eyes and scooted back so I could get on in front of him.

I gave Mom one last hug and climbed onto the broom. As we took off, I clinged onto the broom for dear life. I'm not afraid of heights or anything, I'm just not exactly used to riding a flying broom.

"You can calm down now, we're not going any higher." Snape said and made me realize that I was holding my breath with my eyes closed. I opened my eyes after exhaling, seeing the amazing view.

"WOW! This is amazing!" I exclaimed losing my grip on the broom.

"You like this?" Snape asked as he cocked his brow.

"Well, yeah, it's beautiful. It's not very often I get used to see the world like this."

"Women, I'll never understand them." After that the conversation ended. I was too busy looking around at the beautiful view. After a while we descended to where a group of people stood. As we got closer, I realized it was my friends.

We landed and got off the broom and walking up, I shouted "WHAT'S UP GUYS!?" Snape rolled his eye and continued walking up to the group whereas I on the other hand was already over there and talking with my friends and classmates.

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Billy's side of the story:

I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 on the PS2, waiting for whoever was going to pick me up from Hogwarts. My stuff was already packed of course. 'Hmm...I wonder who is picking me up this time?' I thought as I saved the game. Suddenly, I heard a loud crack in the room and I assumed that was the person that was picking me up. 'I wonder if Dumbledore sent Severus to pick me up this time.' I thought with a smirk. As I turned around to see who it was, I was surpirsed but happy at the same time.

"Shall we go, Billy?" an old man with a long silver beard asked in a casual tone.

'Sweet! I'm getting picked up by Dumbledore!' I thought as I nodded and got my stuff to show him I was ready to go.

Dumbledore nodded and said "Very good, we shall use a portkey to get to Diagon Alley and I'm sure you'll be happy to see that your sister has been accepted into Hogwarts as well."

"Uh...it depends on which one you mean, because I have two younger sisters and to be honest, I think Julia would cause more havoc than anything else."

Dumbledore chuckled and said "No, it's the older one."

"Oh, okay then." and then we used the portkey to go to our destination and I saw Krystal and her friends and I said "Yo."

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Krystal's side of the story and continuing:

'Oh man! When are they going to get here to pick me up?' Krystal thought pacing back and forth uneasily. She then suddenly stopped pacing when she noticed that her older brother wasn't in his room. "Now that I think about it...where has Billy been all this time?" she said to herself confused. She then heard the doorbell ring which caused her to jump since she wasn't used to people coming at 8:00 pm.

"Who could that be at this time?" she wondered to herself as she went downstairs into the living room, took the wooden cross from the wall, and cautiously opened the door. She blinked when she saw no one there and was about to close the door until she heard a meow. Krystal looked down and saw a tabby staring at her as if she was being rude. 'Wait...cats don't look at people like that, do they?' Krystal thought to herself as she looked back down at the cat. The cat then turned into a woman with glasses, a green robe, and a witch's hat.

All Krystal could do was stare with her jaw dropped. "May I ask why you have a cross, Miss Maurer?" the woman asked.

"Um...the power of Christ compells you?" Krystal said uncertainly. The woman pursed her lips as if she took a bite of a lemon and had a stern expression.

"Er...would you like to come in?" Krystal asked since she couldn't stand the silence.

"I'm afraid not, we have to leave now so we can get your things."

"Oh, like my wand and whatnot?"

"Yes, follow me please." Krystal locked the front door before she followed the woman to what looked like floating brooms.

"Uh...are we going to ride those?" Krystal asked pointing at them.

The woman nodded and got on one of them and she said "You will meet your friends once we get to Diagon Alley, and be careful on the broomstick, I know it's your first time. To make it go, you must kick off the ground." Krystal nodded, carefully got on the broomstick, and kicked off the ground. As soon as it got in the air, Krystal had to hang on for dear life since she didn't expect it to get up in the air so fast.

"Whoa." she said as she glided in the air after the woman that picked her up. "By the way, I don't think I got your name, ma'am." Krystal shouted over the wind so she could hear her.

"My name is Professor McGonagall, I am a teacher and head of Gryffindor house at Hogwarts." she shouted behind her. The rest of their trip was silent, except for the wind. When Krystal saw McGonagall finally descend, she felt relieved that they were finally going to land. She wasn't afraid of heights or anything, she just got sick of flying.

"Hi guys."

"Hey guys!"

"WHAT'S UP GUYS!?" she heard her friends say.

"Hi everyone--Billy, you're here too?!" Krystal exclaimed as she also heard her brother say "Yo." and saw an old man with a long beard standing behind him.

"Of course." he said simply.

"So THAT'S why you were gone last year! You were at Hogwarts!" Krystal said now feeling stupid.

"Yup. Wait...where did you think I was?" Billy said.

"I thought you were in the army or something." Krystal said laughing sheepishly and rubbing the back of her head. He gave her an annoyed expression and flicked her forehead. "Ow! What was that for?!"

"That was for you being an idiot." The old man behind Billy chuckled at their "sibling fight". A man with greasy black hait that curtained part of his face just looked at them annoyed. Kailynn, Callista, and Taylor were laughing at their friend. The little man with wispy white hair and McGonagall just tried to completely ignore the two. The woman behind Callista looked at the duo with curiousity.

"Now, to get your things." the old man behind Billy said.

"Yes, I prefer getting this over quickly." the man with black hair said.

"Now, now, Severus, patience." the old man said to him.

"Yeah, Snape, we can't get school supplies for five students in a few seconds, you know." Billy said to Snape. Snape looked like he was going to say something threatening, but the look from the old man with the long beard stopped him.

"Well, shall we?" McGonagall said as she lead the way to the wand shop. They entered the quiet shop and saw an elderly man on a ladder getting cases of wands down, as if he was expecting them to walk in.

"Ah, hello. It's good to see you again, Mr. Maurer, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Sprout, Flitwick. I'm guessing these four are new witches in need of a wand?" the man said. The older witches and wizards nodded.

"Hmm...now which one of you should go first...how about you?" He said pointing at Callista. She shrugged and went up to him and he got a wand out of one of the boxes "6 inches, phoenix tail feather, oak. It is a bendy wand which is very good for Transfiguration." Callista took it from him and waved it, which caused one of the boxes he had on the shelves to turn into a goblet. Callista looked at her wand, as if not believing what just happened.

"Awesome, Neko! You already have your wand!" Krystal said, now excited to get her own wand. Kailynn seemed to be excited to get her wand too, whereas Taylor just looked bored. The adults and Billy somehow got chairs which came from thin air and they were sitting down, waiting for them to be done.

"Uh...sorry, I didn't mean to turn that into a wine glass." Callista said.

"Goblet." Billy seemed to have said this as a cough. The four girls looked at him confused but just decided to leave it alone.

"That's quite all right, it was supposed to happen. How about you next?" the man said pointing at Kailynn.

Kailynn just shrugged and said "Okay." He pulled out another wand out of one of the cases and gave it to her.

"It's an Elder wand, 15 inches with theastral hair." Kailynn waved it and it made small fireworks come out of the tip.

"That. Was. Cool!!!" Kailynn said as she looked at her wand as if it was the greatest birthday present in the world.

Snape rolled his eyes which did not go unnoticed by Billy because he said with a smirk "I'm sorry, Severus, is she bothering you?"

Snape gave Billy a loathing look, but Billy just continued to smirk and then Dumbledore said "Billy, please do not provoke Severus." Billy just shrugged and continued to wait and watch Taylor and Krystal get their wands.

The man then pointed at Taylor and was about to say something but she cut him off "I know, I'm next, you don't have to ask me since you already pointed at me, it's kinda pointless to do both, you know."

He smiled and got another wand box out and said "12 inches, Dragon heartstring, Rosewood. It is a pliable wand, very good for Charms work I believe."

"I don't care what it's good in, I just want a wand so I can do magic." She said before she waved the wand, making one of the cases float in the air. When the case was set back down, she just sat down in one of the chairs that Dumbledore brought up with his wand.

'Why am I last?' Krystal thought annoyed. 'Oh well, at least I'm getting a wand.'

"And now for the last witch, Holly,10 and a half inches, unicorn tai, very good for Defense Against The Dark Arts." Krystal took it from his hand and waved it, which had some orange and red streamers come out of it.

"SWEET!!" Krystal said as she finally got her wand.

"We will be more than happy to purchase these wands, Olivander." Dumbledore said and the other teachers stood up, and walked out while having the younger ones follow. Dumbledore flicked his wand again and the chairs disappeared.

As they got everything they needed, Dumbledore handed them all a ticket and said "Remember to be at the train station by perhaps 10:30 so you will get to your train on time and do not lose those tickets, please. You will all stay at the Leaky Cauldron and go to the train station with your things packed by September first. Billy will know where to go and will lead you so please be sure not to get lost."

"Uh...why do we need to be here by 10:30?" Krystal asked uncertainly.

"Because the train leaves at exactly 11:00." Billy said flicking his sister on the forehead.

"HEY!" she said annoyed. Her friends laughed while most of the teachers shook their heads.

Dumbledore smiled and said "Well, good day to you all." and all of the teachers left.

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I know it didn't take long to get chapter 2 up, but that's because I already had it written/typed XD Chapter 3 will also be put up today and chapter 4 will take a while since I'm kind of just starting on it, review please, and I hope you enjoy the story


	3. Chapter 3

Harry Potter Insanity Chapter 3

Billy lead the girls through the sea of people as they were trying to get to the platform. "I swear to God, there are way too many people here every year." Billy muttered to himself irritated as he was trying to push his trolley through. Callista, Taylor, Kailynn, and Krystal seemed to be as irritated as much as him since they despised going through crowds of people. When they finally got to their destination, all of the girls except Taylor had a look of confusion on their face while Taylor's face was blank.

"Uh, Billy? Why isn't the platform we need to go to not here?" Krystal asked as she pulled on her brother's sleeve to get his attention. Billy flicked her forehead. "OW! Why do you keep--?!"

"We're going to go through that wall to get there." he said pointing at the wall. Krystal raised an eyebrow while Kailynn and Callista still looked a little confused and Taylor still had a blank face and looked bored.

"All you have to do is walk at the wall between platform 9 and 10. I'll use the idiot here for an example." he said as he directed Krystal to the wall. She flinched as she was expecting the impact, but found herself looking at a scarlet engine. She read on the front of it "Hogwarts Express".

"Whoa...this is cool!" she said as she looked around. She saw her friends and older brother ahead of her and quickly caught up. Over the train's hissing steam, all they could hear was people saying their goodbyes and people's animals meowing, squaking, and hooting. Billy looked at the clock on the brick wall.

"Looks like we made it on time." They got on the train and went into the car while putting their trunks on the luggage rack. Taylor, Krystal, Callista, Kailynn, and Billy all sat down on the comfortable seats.

"Hey, Billy, didn't you say something about a candy cart when we were at the Leaky Cauldron?" Krystal asked.

"Don't worry squirt, it will come around when the train heads out of the station."

"CANDY!" Callista shouted. "I hope they have chocolate!"

"Um...excuse me." a boy with black hair, green eyes, and glasses said. "Do you mind if my friend and I come in? Everywhere else is full."

"Whoa. Did we leave the train station already?" Krystal said as she looked out the window. Taylor threw a pencil at her. "OW! What was that for?"

"That was for being a dweeb." Taylor replied. The boy with black hair and his friend with red hair looked unsure of what to do.

"Oh, we forgot to introduce ourselves! I'm Kailynn, these three are Taylor, Callista, and Krystal, and that's Billy." Kailynn said.

"I'm Ron Weasley." the boy with red hair said and looked as if he was thankful he had something to talk about.

"And I'm Harry Potter." the other one said.

"Nice to meet you." Kailynn said smiling.

"Why aren't you shocked or anything?" Ron asked with a 'Are you crazy?!' look on his face.

"Why would we be shocked if we introduced ourselves?" Taylor asked.

"He's HARRY POTTER, though!"

"So? What difference does it make?"

"You know! The "Boy Who Lived"?"

Taylor had an annoyed expression on her face. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Before Ron could say anything else, an elderly woman with a candy cart stopped in front of the door and asked "Anything off the trolley, dears?"

"No, thanks, I'm all set." Ron said holding up a baggie of what looked like a large Frosted Mini Wheat or a sandwich.

"We'll take the lot." Billy and Harry said at the same time holding a handful of galleons.

All of the girls eyes widened and Ron just simply said "Whoa!". Taylor shook her head as if she didn't want to know, Callista and Krystal were looking for chocolate, and Kailynn decided to put her nose back into the book she was reading.

"DUDE! CHOCOLATE FROGS!" Callista and Krystal said at the same time. When they opened it, the chocolate frogs jumped out, but they caught them before they could get any further. "Victory is mine!" Callista and Krystal said before they popped them into their mouths. Billy looked at them with utter disbelief and shook his head, Taylor looked at them like they needed help, Harry and Ron had disbelieving expressions, and Kailynn just kept reading as if she didn't hear them.

A little while later, Ron was showing them a spell one of his brothers taught him. He cleared his throat and said "Sun--" Someone slid the door back and it was a girl with bushy brown hair.

"Has anyone of you seen a toad? A boy named Neville lost one."

"No." Ron said looking at her like she was weird.

"Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see, then."

Ron cleared his throat once more and said "Sunshine, daises, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow." As he said all of this, the girl's expression turned from hopeful to annoyed. As he pointed his wand at the rat, nothing seemed to have happened.

"Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it? Of course, I've been studying simple spells, but they've all worked for me." She sat down and pointed her wand at Harry's glasses. "For example, repairo." Harry's glasses were repaired and he took them off and looked at them as if he couldn't believe what just happened. "That must be much better and--holy cricket! You're Harry Pott--"

"Okay, seriously, what's the big deal about Harry Potter?" Krystal interrupted the girl annoyed. The girls eyes widened in disbelief.

"Are you telling me that you don't even KNOW about Harry Potter?!"

"Well obviously since I don't look at him like you did when you realized who he was." Krystal said sourly.

The girl scoffed, rolled her eyes, and said "HONESTLY! Who DOESN'T know about Harry Potter?!" Callista, Kailynn, Taylor, and Krystal raised their hands. "Oh for the love of--read here!" she said as she got a textbook out, opened it, and showed them where to read. All four of them read what it said and Taylor looked at the girl like she was stupid.

"You expect us AMERICANS to know what the hell you are talking about?" Taylor said as she closed the book. Kailynn, Krystal, Callista, and Billy started laughing. "I wasn't trying to be funny, I actually meant what I said."

"Too bad, Itachi, we're going to laugh anyway." Krystal said before another fit of laughter. The girl with bushy hair stood up.

"I suggest getting changed into your robes soon, we're almost there." she said as she left with a scowl on her face.

"Holy crap, it's that late already?!" Krystal said as she was about to look out the window, but her brother flicked her forehead. "OW! What now?!"

"Get changed, idiot." he said before him, Ron, and Harry went to get changed. Krystal looked at everyone else and shrugged. They shrugged as well and also went to get changed. By the time they got changed, they went back to the car and when they sat down, Callista started bouncing in her seat. Ron and Harry looked at her worried.

"Er...is she okay?" Ron said pointing at Callista, as if unsure if she was actually human.

"It's the sugar." Krystal, Taylor, Billy, and Kailynn said as if they dealt with it for many years and as if it wasn't worth worrying about while Callista was still bouncing in her seat and laughing. Ron and Harry looked at them with disbelief, but decided to drop it. The train finally came to a stop and they got off the train.

"Over here, firs' years! We're goin' in the boats, follow me, firs' years!" A man that seemed to be a giant with tangled beard and hair with a big brown coat on said.

"Hello, Hagrid." Harry said.

"Hey there, Harry!" Hagrid replied.

"Hey, Hagrid." Billy said as he came up with everyone else.

"Come back fer more trouble, eh, Billy?" Hagrid said winking at him.

"Yup." he replied with a grin.

"Would you move over?" a boy with pale blond hair and a sneering face said as he was trying to push Billy out of the way.

"How about you wait your turn, runt?" Billy said looking at him annoyed.

"Crabbe, Golye, please teach this moron a lesson." the boy said as two bigger and mean looking boys went in front of him cracking their knuckles threateningly. Billy didn't even flinch and stood calmly, as if waiting for them to make their move. When one of them threw a punch at him, he caught his fist and twisted his arm back. When the other tried to throw a punch at him, he dodged it and tripped him.

"Just as I thought, British boys are pansies." Billy said as all three of them looked at him in fear.

"Come on now, Billy, yeh know you're not supposed ter fight on school grounds." Hagrid said as he helped a first year into one of the boats.

"I wasn't fighting, I was just teaching a first year not to mess with a second year. They're the ones that started it anyway." Billy said.

"Yeah, but I don't want yeh ter get into trouble on yer first day back."

"Oh, come on, Hagrid, I get in trouble all the time." Billy said and looked over to the older looking students. "Well, I better get going, see ya." He walked off and disappeared.

"Well, we better get you ter the castle, can't be late on yer first day." Hagrid said as he got into one of the boats. As soon as he got in, all of the boats started to move.

"Hogs With Warts sounds like an interesting school." Callista said.

"It's HOGWARTS!" Krystal, Taylor, and Kailynn said.

They all heard a splash and looked at the boat from where the sound came from. The people in the boat had a look of horror on their face. "Uh...what just happened, did someone just fall in the..." Krystal looked at the water bellow "ocean?"

"Actually, it's a lake--" Hagrid started but the girl with bushy brown hair cut him off.

"For the love of God! Don't just have small talk while someone is drowning!"

"Oh, right, better get 'im out, then." Hagrid said while he pulled a boy out of the lake. The boy was shivering violently. Hagrid took off his enormous coat and put it on him. The girl with bushy hair gave a huff and stayed silent for the rest of the trip to the castle.

As they all arrived, Hagrid picked up a toad. "Who's toad is this?"

"Trevor!" the boy that had Hagrid's coat on said as he ran up to Hagrid to receive it.

"Make sure yeh keep an eye on him and don't lose him."

When they went up a flight of stone stairs, Hagrid knocked on the door three times. As the door opened, it revealed Professor McGonagall. "Here are the firs' years. Professor McGonagall."

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take it from here." She lead them into the enormous entrance hall and everyone heard some voices coming from the doorway to the right, which meant that the rest of the school was already there. Professor McGonagall lead them to an empty chamber off the hall, which everyone crowded into uncomfortably.

"Welcome to Hogwarts, the start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts."

"I doubt that." Taylor mumbled quietly.

"The four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as you can while waiting. I shall return when we are ready for you. Please wait quietly." She then left the chamber.

"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" Harry asked Ron.

"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."

Suddenly, some people screamed and Taylor, Callista, Krystal, Kailynn, Ron, Harry, and the girl with bushy hair looked behind them. "What the--" Harry started but stopped and gasped along with some other people as some ghosts glided in. They were arguing about someone named Peeves. One of the ghosts wearing a ruff and tights finally noticed the first years.

"New students!" the one known as the Fat Friar said smiling at them all. "About to be sorted, I suppose?"

"Well, we're standing here, aren't we?" Taylor said.

"Move along now, the Sorting Ceremony is about to start." Professor McGonagall said as she returned. The ghosts floated away through the opposite wall. "Form a line and follow me, please." They went through the double doors into the Great Hall.

The hall had floating candles over for long tables, which was where Billy and the rest of the students were sitting. At the end of the hall, there was another long table where the teachers were sitting. The tables had glittering golden plates and goblets on top of them. The ceiling looked like the night sky. The girl with bushy brown hair whispered something about the ceiling being bewitched to look like the sky outside and that she read about it in Hogwarts, A History. Professor McGonagall put a four-legged stool in front of the first years with a patched, frayed, and dirsty pointed wizard's hat.

"Are you telling me all we've got to do is try on the hat?! I'm going to kill Fred, he said he had to wrestle a troll." Ron whispered to Harry.

"When I call your name, you will come up and sit on the stool to be sorted." she said as she got a scroll out. "Abbott, Hannah!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Bones, Susan!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Boot, Terry!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

The list seemed to go on forever. The girl with bushy brown hair seemed to be getting anxious. "Granger, Hermione!" She practically ran over to the stool as she eagerly put the hat on.

"GRYFFINDOR!" Ron groaned as Hermione went over to the Gryffindor table. Neville Longbottom, who was the boy that fell into the lake and lost his toad, was also sorted into Gryffindor. More and more people were called up to get sorted and it finally went to Harry.

"Potter, Harry!" People started whispering and Krystal just looked ahead annoyed with how people acted just by hearing his name. The hat took a long time to place him in a house and after a while, Harry was placed in Gryffindor.

Krystal could have sworn she heard two people who seemed to be Ron's older twin brothers and her own brother shout "We got Potter! We got Potter!" It was finally Ron's turn to get sorted and he was sent to Gryffindor as well. When they went through everyone but the four girls, Krystal looked around.

"Oh, I see how it is! Have the Americans go last!" Krystal shouted annoyed.

Professor McGonagall gave her a stern look before calling her up. Krystal walked over to the stool and put the hat on and it said "Oh dear God, not another Maurer! Just ONE of you is too many!"

"Don't worry, she's not like her brother." Taylor, Callista, and Kailynn said. The teachers gave a sigh of relief. "She's worse."

Everyone in the Great Hall except the confused first years said "Oh, God." A thud was also heard at the table the teachers were sitting at and it seems Hagrid hit his head on the table.

Krystal looked up at the hat annoyed and said "Are you going to put me in a house, or what?"

The hat sighed and said "I might as well put you in the same house as your havoc causing brother, so Gryffindor."

"Oh come on! You didn't even say that with enthusiasm like everyone else's!" she said as she took the hat off and walked over to the Gryffindor table.

Ashe, Kailynn!" Kailynn walked up an put the hat on her head.

A little bit of time passed by before the hat said "SLYTHERIN!" Krystal glowered at the hat and Billy patted her back sympathetically. Kailynn walked over to the Slytherin table and sat down.

"Vantrease, Callista!" Callista walked up to the stool and sat down as she put the hat on her head. The hat remained on her head for at least 30 minutes.

"There is absolutely nothing in this girls head!"

Kailynn, Krystal, and Taylor looked at the hat and said "You just figured that out? We've known that the second we met her."

"Besides, what were you expecting, elevator music?" Krystal said.

"Well, yes, seeing the way she was acting."

"Just put her in Hufflepuff." Krystal, Taylor, and Kailynn said.

The hat sighed and said "HUFFLEPUFF!"

Callista tilted her head and the hat fell off. She looked down at it curiously and said "Yay! I made the hat fall off!" She got off the stool and sat down on the floor next to the hat and asked Professor McGonagall "Can the hat still talk?"

"No, it can't Miss Vantrease."

"Oh, okay then. By the way, does this school have hogs with warts?"

"For the last time, Neko, it's Hogwarts!" Taylor, Kailynn, and Krystal said. Callista just shrugged and went to one of the seats at the Hufflepuff table. McGonagall picked up the Sorting Hat and put it back on the stool.

"Holguin, Tay--"

"For the love of God, you don't need to call for me since I'm the last person to be sorted." Taylor said as she walked up to the stool, picked up the hat, and put it on while she sat down.

"Hmm...you seem to be just as difficult as Potter...where should I put you?"

'Not Gryffindor, for the love of God, not Gryffindor.' Taylor thought.

"What the hell?! First "Not Slytherin" and now it's "Not Gryffindor"! They are both great houses--! You know what, I'm just not going to question this any further, where should I put you?" the Sorting Hat said.

"I don't care, just put me in a house so we can get this over with."

"Americans, always hasty."

"Hey, I don't like the way America works, thank you very much."

"Ugh...even I'm getting fed up with this argument, I'll put you in...RAVENCLAW!" Before Taylor took the hat off, it said "I'm getting too old for this..."

"Hats have ages?" Callista and Krystal asked tilting their heads.

The hat twitched as if it had an eye twitching and lied still when Taylor took it off. As she walked over to the Ravenclaw table, Dumbledore stood up and opened his arms widely as he smiled at everyone.

"Welcome! Welcome to a new year at Hog--"

"Come on, Dumbledore, we're hungry!" Billy and the Weasley twins said. All three of them picked up a knife and fork and pounded them on the table and started to chant "Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food!"

Dumbledore smiled at them and said "Patience, my friends, you'll start the banquet after the new words I learned. They are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!" He sat back down and everyone cheered except for Harry who looked confused. Krystal didn't bother having a conversation with Harry nor Percy Weasley as she dug into roast beef and chicken.

Billy, Fred, and George looked at Krystal oddly. "What?" she asked as she swallowed the roast beef she was chewing. "Is it that weird to see someone eat roast beef and chicken?"

"No, it's just amazing seeing that you can't really do anything else but eat food faster than even Ron." Billy said jerking his thumb at Ron who was eating two chicken legs. The twins nodded in agreement.

Krystal looked at her brother annoyed and said "I hate you."

"I know." Billy said with a grin.

The ghost from before with the ruff came to the Gryffindor table and said "That looks good."

"But aren't you dead and because you're a ghost, you can't eat?" Krystal said bluntly.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Hey, Sir Nicholas." Billy said.

"Ah, I see trouble has returned to this school." Sir Nicholas said smiling.

"Hey! You're Nearly Headless Nick!" Ron said pointing at Sir Nicholas.

"I would PREFER Sir Nicholas if you don't mind--"

"NEARLY Headless? How can you be NEARLY headless?" Seamus Finnigan asked.

"Like THIS." Sir Nicholas said irritably and grabbed his left ear and pulled. His head swung off his neck and fell onto his shoulders as if it were on a hinge. Krystal stared at Sir Nicholas with wide eyes and decided to keep eating and act like nothing happened. The rest of the food disappeared and left the plates clean and then desert replaced it.

"YAY! ICE CREAM!" Callista said from the Hufflepuff table which caused her to get stares. "What? Is it weird to see that someone likes ice cream?" The people staring at her shook their heads and continued eating thinking 'Americans.'

As the deserts were finally gone, Dumbledore stood up again and said "Just a few more words now that we are fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you."

"First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. A few of our older students would do well to remember." Dumbledore looked over at Billy and the twins with twinkling eyes.

"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors. And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."

Harry and a few other people laughed. Krystal just had a blank face. Billy and the twins just shrugged.

"Now it is bedtime. Off you trot!" Dumbledore said and everyone got up from the table and followed the prefects and head boys/girls to the common room.

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Well, there's chapter 3! Sorry, but chapter 4 will probably take a while to put up since I barely started on it . I'd say that this so far is my most favorite chapter since there is a lot of attempted humor XD Anyway, review if you'd like and enjoy the rest when I get them up XP and the reason why I kind of had us go out of order was because my friends suggested that I should go first since apparently the Sorting Hat doesn't like me or my brother very much XP We cause havoc! Hurray! 8D lol XD Sorry, anyway, chapter 4 coming around when it is put up XD


	4. Chapter 4

Harry Potter Insanity Chapter 4

As Krystal and Billy went into the Great Hall for breakfast, they heard a few Hufflepuff girls complaining. "Honestly, how can anyone stay up so late with that much energy?!" one of them said and if people looked closely, she had bags underneath her eyes.

"Wow, you guys look like crap." Taylor said as she passed by. The girls glowered at her, but she ignored them.

"Well, that's what happens when Neko has a lot of sugar." Kailynn said as she was walking and reading her book at the same time.

"How could you hear us from all the way down there?" one of the girls asked.

"Well, you're not exactly quiet about your 'horrible' night." Krystal and Billy said and used their fingers to do quote marks. Callista walked into the Great Hall and she yawned widely and waved at Billy and Krystal sleepily.

"I'm tired." Callista said as she walked up to Billy and Krystal.

"I can see why, you practically stayed up all night." Krystal said. Callista sat next to them and put her head down.

"Uh…Neko? Shouldn't you be sitting at the Hufflepuff table?" Krystal asked as she poked Callista.

"I don't like it over there since I don't know anyone and they're too loud." Callista said.

"Just let her sit over here, it's not like something bad is going to--" Billy was interrupted by a high pitched scream and it seemed that Malfoy had toads in his shirt. Billy smirked and high-fived the twins. Krystal looked over at her brother and the twins suspiciously.

"What did you do?"

"Oh, we were just planning who our next victim was for a prank and it seemed that Malfoy was at the top of the list." Billy, Fred, and George said.

"What happened? I heard some chick scream bloody murder." Callista said rubbing her eyes.

"Billy and the twins did a prank on Malfoy." Krystal said as the Great Hall was full of laughter. Callista started laughing until she couldn't breathe. When Snape entered, the Great Hall hushed immediately except for Billy and the twins who were still howling in laughter.

"What exactly do you find funny, Maurer and Weasley?"

"Oh, we just harmlessly pranked Malfoy. Is that a problem, Severus?" Billy said raising an eyebrow.

"Careful now, Billy. He may make it so that way you have his overly large hooked nose if you anger him even further." Fred said as he faked fear.

"I doubt that, Fred, I'm quite sure I have enough annoyance to prevent that from happening." Krystal tried to shut her brother up, but she was too late.

"My, already on the first day you have a detention, Maurer."

Billy just shrugged and asked "When and where?"

"8:00, Dumbledore's office since he's the only one that can actually stand you."

"Hey, your call, not mine." Billy said as he shrugged and continued eating.

Snape gave him a loathing look and looked over at Fred and George. "You two will meet at my office at that same time so we can discuss your punishment."

"Aww! But we wanted to be with Dumbledore!" They said as they faked disappointment. Snape walked off without another word.

Callista yawned and said "What's that guy's problem? It was just a prank."

"Good old Severus doesn't have the same sense of humor as we do." George said.

"Correction: Severus doesn't even have a sense of humor." Billy said.

Krystal and Callista looked at each other and shrugged as they decided not to push it any further. Everyone received a schedule and got their things ready for their class.

Taylor, Callista, Kailynn, and Krystal went to Transfiguration. As they walked in, they saw Professor McGonagall standing behind her desk in front of the room. They all took a seat beside each other at one of the tables in the back. "Welcome to Transfiguration class, everyone. Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts." she said. "Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back."

She turned her desk into a pig and back again. "COOL! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET STARTED!" Callista said.

"I'm afraid you won't be learning that for a long time, Miss Vantrease."

"Then why bother showing it to us? You could have just shown us the first level of Transfiguration." Taylor said.

When Professor McGonagall gave her a stern look, Krystal said "Uh…I actually kind of agree. I mean, it's a great plan to get us interested in it and all, but--"

"Can't we just get on with the lesson--" Hermione started as she cut Krystal off, but then Krystal interrupted her.

"I'm not done talking yet." Professor McGonagall looked really annoyed and was tapping her foot.

"Are you done bickering yet, Miss Maurer and Miss Granger?"

Krystal suddenly smiled and said "Perhaps."

"Maybe." Taylor said since she and Krystal say this when someone asks a question that can have those answers.

"Possibly." they both said at the same time. Everyone in the classroom except for Kailynn and Callista looked at them oddly. Professor McGonagall did a face palm.

"I honestly don't think I'll ever get used to having even more Americans at this school."

"On come now! It's not all that bad! After all, we'll probably be the last Americans you'll ever have." Krystal said.

Callista, Kailynn, and Taylor all did a face palm. "Really, Tobi?" Taylor said in an annoyed and sarcastic manner.

"Yes!" Krystal said as she grinned. Professor McGonagall looked at them like she couldn't believe they were actually able to be at Hogwarts.

Professor McGonagall then did another face palm and said "I might as well start the lesson since I'm not even sure what is going on." She cleared her throat and directed everyone's attention towards the matches on their desks. "You are to turn the match on your desk into a needle. I will check on your results in a few minutes, carry on."

"How the hell are we supposed to do this in three or four minutes if we don't even know how to even attempt it?" Taylor asked the other three quietly.

"I guess you picture the match turning into a needle in your head as you use magic on it." Kailynn said.

"HOLY SHNIKIES, MISA, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!" Callista said as she pointed at Kailynn's match which was now a needle.

"Didn't just explain it?" Kailynn asked annoyed.

Krystal shrugged and said "Might as well explain it again. You know Neko, her head goes blank sometimes."

"When I'm hyper."

"Yes, when she's hyper."

"Uh…Neko? What exactly did you have for breakfast?" Kailynn asked, but she was begging mentally that it wasn't--

"PANCAKES!" Callista said as if they were the best food in the world. Kailynn did a face palm and thought 'I knew it…'

"Would you shut up?" Malfoy asked annoyed.

"Screw you." Callista said as she continued concentrating. Kailynn shook her head and put her nose in one of her books since she was finished. Krystal and Taylor turned their matches into needles right before McGonagall came around to see how they did.

When McGonagall looked at their work, the bell rang which meant they had to go to Defense Against the Dark Arts class next. When they arrived, they again sat in the back. "W-welcome t-to D-defense Against the D-dark Arts class." Professor Quirrell said as he nervously fumbled with his turban. Krystal raised one of her eyebrows.

"I don't mean to be judgmental, but is this a joke? This guys looks like he would just run away screaming bloody murder if he got into a fight against an evil wizard." Krystal whispered to her friends. She then sniffed the air and plugged her nose.

"It smells like he let a freaking huge bag of garlic just sit in here too." Callista said as she also plugged her nose.

"To think I was actually looking rather forward to this class." Krystal said annoyed. "Sir? Can you explain to us why you have a turban? Do you have lice or something?"

"Oh, n-no. It w-was g-given t-to me by an A-African prince as a th-thank-you f-for g-g-getting rid of a z-zombie."

Krystal didn't looked convinced but decided to brush it off since she and her friends had to get working. The four girls thought Defense Against the Dark Arts was boring. "The guy can't even speak one sentence without stuttering! It's like we're dealing with a male and British version of Hinata." Taylor said as they walked out of the class when it ended.

"Well, he may be nervous since it's his first year teaching here." Kailynn said.

"DR. SUESS!!" Krystal said and got some stares from people. She rolled her eyes at them. "These people need to realize they're not dealing with normal Americans."

"It's okay, Tobi, we all get stares from them, especially me." Callista said.

"Of course you do, you get hyper just by breathing air and if that's not bad enough, they even give you sugar every day." Krystal said.

"Uh…aren't we going to Potions class?" Kailynn asked Krystal.

"Yeah, why?"

"You're going the wrong way."

Krystal looked around and realized she was heading towards History of Magic which was after Potions. She ran to her friends and said "They make this place way too confusing."

"Of course they do, they're British." Callista and Taylor said. They continued walking down the dungeons. All four of them shivered due to the low temperature. Krystal realized Snape loathed Harry just as much as he loathed her brother.

When Snape was taking the roll call, he paused at Harry's name. "Ah, yes," he said softly, "Harry Potter. Our new-_celebrity_." Krystal heard Malfoy and his lackeys laugh, and she threw her text book at them, Snape's head snapped in her direction and the whole class stared at her.

She looked around at everyone and said "What?! My hand slipped!" Callista, Kailynn, and Taylor laughed silently while Snape gave her one of his famous "I despise you" expressions.

"Anyway, you are here to learn the subtle of science and exact art of potion-making." he began. Krystal couldn't believe that even though he barely spoke above a whisper, he had the class' attention better than McGonagall. "As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic."

"Of course it's not magic, it's science." Taylor whispered.

"I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses--"

"Would you shut up?" Callista said annoyed.

The class again went deadly silent. "Constant monotone lecturing annoys the hell out of me."

"What she said." Krystal spoke up. Snape gave them a loathing look.

"Both of you will be meeting at my office tonight at 8:00 to decide your punishment. Now, as I was saying, I can teach you many things and even how to stopper death; that is, if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach." The room was silent again, only this time it wasn't caused by anyone interrupting Snape.

"Potter!" Snape said suddenly which caused the class to jump.

"God damn it…it's just like the freaking toaster…" Taylor muttered annoyed.

"What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" Harry and Ron exchanged confused looks and Hermione shot her hand up in the air along with Callista. Krystal and Kailynn looked as her in amazement while Taylor had the look on her face to ask if the class was over yet.

"I don't know, sir," said Harry.

Snape's lips curled into a sneer and he siad "Tut, tut-clearly fame isn't everything." He continued ignoring Hermione and Callista's hand.

"Let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?" Callista put her hand down in annoyance while Hermione stretched her hand as high into the air as it would go without leaving her seat.

"I don't know, sir."

"Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Potter?"

Snape still ignored Hermione's hand. "What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfs bane?" At this, Hermione and Callista raised their hand up high, but Hermione stood up and her hand was stretching towards the ceiling.

"I don't know," Harry said quietly. "I think Callista and Hermione do, though, why don't you try them?" A few people laughed, but Snape did not look pleased.

"Sit down," he snapped at Hermione. "For your information, Potter, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshood and wolfs bane, they are the same plant which also goes by the name of aconite." Callista, Krystal, Taylor, and Kailynn wrote everything that was important that Snape just said down.

"And a point from Gryffindor House for your cheek, Potter." By that time, the bell finally rang and it was time to go to History of Magic. However, it did not seem to be any better than Defense Against the Dark Arts.

It was worse than Defense Against the Dark Arts class. The teacher's name was Professor Binns and what made him different from the other teachers was that he was a ghost. However, unlike the other teachers, he would make everyone but Hermione fall asleep with his boring and droning voice. As he was talking, Krystal was hitting her head constantly on the table, hoping that it would make the class end faster. "Is the torture over yet?" Krystal muttered in a desperate and complaining tone as the time passed by slowly.

"I don't know, Tobi." Callista replied and she had her forehead on the table, which made her look like she died of boredom. Taylor was nodding off to sleep while Kailynn looked like she was trying to pay attention. "If I die in this class, can I kick his butt?"

"Please do, I'll probably die too if he keeps his droning up." Krystal said.

At long last, the bell rang which signaled them to go to Charms class. The teacher's name is Professor Flitwick who was shorter than all of the teachers and he had to use a big pile of books in order for everyone in the class to be able to see him as he was teaching. "This class is cool." Callista said.

Even though it was a whole period, it felt like five minutes when the bell rang. Krystal's stomach growled and she looked at it and said "That reminds me, when do we have lunch?"

"Now."

"YAAAAY!" Krystal and Callista said.

"Good, I'm very hungry." said Taylor.

They went to the Great Hall and sat down at their table…except for Callista. She sat down at the Gryffindor table with Krystal, Billy, and the Weasley twins. "Yes! Roast beef!" Krystal said as she chowed down. Billy did a face palm and the twins were huddled as if they had a plan. After a while, lunch ended and they went to Herbology.

The teacher for this class was Professor Sprout, she was quite cheerful for someone her age. "Hello everyone! Welcome to Herbology!" she said cheerfully. (…see what I mean?) Malfoy screamed when a plant grabbed him.

"Oh, come now, it's not like it will kill you, Mr. Malfoy!" Professor Sprout said irritated as she got the plant to let go of him. (Uh…did I forget to mention she doesn't really care about him either? XD)

"This class is going to be interesting." Callista said.

"Yes, yes it will." Krystal replied as she tried to suppress her laughter.

They all enjoyed the class and when the bell rang, they had to go back in the castle. "I don't wanna go to my House common room. I don't know anyone." Callista said as they went inside.

"Sorry, Neko. Did you want to try to come into the Gryffindor common room?" Krystal said.

"Sure, it ought to be interesting seeing the Gryffindor's reactions."

"Okay…well, good luck with that." Kailynn said as she walked toward the dungeons to get to the Slytherin common room.

"Could you annoy the crap out of Harry for me since I'm not in the same House as you, Tobi?" Taylor asked.

"Sure, me and Neko both will annoy him."

"Thank you~" Taylor said happily before going to her common room. Krystal and Callista walked up the moving stairs to the common room. Callista looked around as if she were concentrating to memorize something. Krystal was about to ask what she was doing, but before she could, she felt something grab her nose very hard.

"GOT YOUR CONK!" she heard someone screech.

"PEEVES!" Filch bellowed as he was coming up the stairs.

Peeves spitted raspberries at him and disappeared. Filch swore underneath his breath and was about to head back down but he heard Krystal squeal "What a cute cat! I want to hug it!" He turned around and saw the most strange sight he has ever seen, a student was petting his cat! "What's her name?"

"Why does it matter, you should be getting to your common room." Filch said annoyed.

"Aw…all right then, let's go, Neko."

"Okay." Callista said as she followed Krystal.

When both of them were out of earshot, Filch said "I swear, every American that comes here is more of an oddball than the last." He and his cat went down the stairs and disappeared into the dungeons.

Krystal and Callista got to the portrait of the Fat Lady and she said "Password?"

"Caput Draconis." said Krystal and the portrait swung forward to admit them.

"Whoooooa! I like it here already!" Callista said. When the Gryffindors finally stopped chatting, they looked at where the voice came from and literally dropped their things, which caused Krystal and Callista to burst out laughing.

"What's going on?" Fred and George asked when they walked in. Billy walked in and looked at Krystal like she needed help.

"Okay, Giggles, care to explain?" Billy said when he saw the Gryffindors' expressions. The twins looked at each other and shrugged.

"I snuck Neko in here and their expressions and reactions were so hilarious!" Krystal said when she was done laughing only to start another fit of laughter when she was finished speaking. She abruptly stopped laughing and put her hands over her nose as if it was hurting due to someone pinching it. "OW! MY NOSE!" Callista looked at her after she was done laughing.

"Wow, Tobi, that was a REALLY late reaction."

"Say what now?"

"Someone pinched her nose and screamed 'GOT YOUR CONK!' and when Filch came up, he spitted raspberries and disappeared."

"Peeves." Fred, George, and Billy said.

"Oh yeah! That's what Filch shouted when he appeared!"

"I got to pet the kitty!" Krystal said which made the Gryffindor House stare at her. "What?!"

"You petted Filch's cat?" most of the Gryffindor House asked in disbelief as they looked at her like she was crazy. Billy did a face palm and muttered something about Krystal never being able to resist petting cats and how she usually acts stupid.

"Yes, I did." Krystal said irritated as she crossed her arms with an annoyed expression on her face. The Gryffindors shook their heads and then went to do what they were doing before.

"Hey, did that plant grab Malfoy by the way?" George said to Callista and Krystal.

"Huh?" They both asked looking confused.

"The plant in the greenhouse, did it grab Malfoy?"

"Yeah, it did and it was funny as hell!" Callista said laughing.

"Excellent! Apparently that plant really will do anything you want it to if you give it something it likes."

"Oh, so THAT'S what you two were planning in the Great Hall during lunch!" Krystal said pointing at the two.

"Yup."

"And they're both geniuses." Billy said joining them.

"Yeah, no kidding."

They talked for a while and then it was finally time for them to eat supper. "Oh crap, we got detention with Snape…" Krystal said annoyed as she remembered.

"You got in trouble in his class already? Wow, you didn't last as long as I expected you to." Billy said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means how I said it, moron." he siad as he flicked her head.

"OW! That hurts you know!"

"I know, that's why I do it."

Krystal rubbed her head as she continued to glare at her brother. They finally got to the Great Hall and sat at the Gryffindor table and it seemed the Hufflepuffs didn't really care that Callista was sitting with the Gryffindors, they actually looked relieved. When they ate supper, Billy, the twins, Callista, and Krystal all got up from their seat and went out of the Great Hall. Billy separated from them to go to Dumbledore's office while the others continued to the dungeons. "So, what'd you two do to get yourselves a detention?" Fred asked as they walked for a while.

"I threw a text book at Malfoy and his lackeys."

"I told Snape to shut up when he was lecturing with a monotone voice." Callista said.

The twins started to laugh. "Well, that seems interesting."

"Well, it's not our fault most of Slytherin is full of morons and monotone lecturers." Krystal said.

They finally got to Snape's office and when they walked inside, Callista and Krystal shuttered when they saw a lot of jars full of creepy things they didn't want to know about. "Sit." Snape said as he pointed at the four chairs. They all obeyed and sat down.

"Aw…why can't you get more comfortable chairs for us, Severus? These wooden ones tend to hurt the rear end if someone sits on them for too long." George said. Snape glared at him but decided to ignore what he said. "As you know, you're here because--"

"Severus, could you let Miss Maurer and Vantrease come with me, please?" Dumbledore said. Krystal and Callista almost jumped out of their seats since they didn't hear Dumbledore open the door. (…uh…rhyming was not intended, I swear o.o)

"When did he come in?" Krystal whispered. Callista shrugged, but she wasn't complaining.

"Certainly, Dumbledore." Snape said and cast Callista and Krystal an annoyed look. Krystal and Callista didn't have to be told twice to follow him. They practically leaped out of the chairs to go after Dumbledore.

"Aw! Why couldn't you let us go, Severus?" they heard George complain but they knew he was kidding around.

"Shut up." Snape snapped.

"Uh…Professor Dumbledore? Why are we going with you again?" Krystal asked uncertainly.

"We have an important meeting, your brother and other friends will be there too." Dumbledore replied. Krystal looked confused and looked at Callista, but she shrugged to tell her she didn't get it either.

* * *

**Well, there's the end of chapter 4 at last ^^ Uh…sorry it took so long ^^" I was reeeeeeeeally lazy this month and apparently doing so made it so it almost took a whole month to finish this chapter ^^" Yeah…uh…sorry about that. *clears throat* Anyway, I assure you all that Malfoy wasn't really harmed…much XD Well, if you care about him anyway lol XD I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will add another character to join the insanity in the next chapter!! 8D Hurray for us all!! lol Please rate and/or comment ^^ **


	5. Chapter 5

Harry Potter Insanity Chapter 5

"Uh…sir? How is this an 'important' meeting if it includes us?" Krystal asked Dumbledore as they continued walking down the hall.

"Yes, why does it involve us if we're Americans?" Taylor said as she walked out of the shadows.

"HOLY CRAP!" Krystal shouted startled. "WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?" Callista jumped as well since Krystal's shouting startled her.

Taylor looked at Krystal clueless and said "What are you talking about? I've been here the whole time."

Dumbledore chuckled and said "Well, first of all, there is something I need to give to you and I also would like you to meet someone as well." Krystal scratched her head in confusion, but decided not to ask any more questions about it since he probably wouldn't tell them anything anyway.

"How were you here the whole--" Krystal cut herself off when she realized she wasn't in the corridor anymore. (Dr. Seuss O.o) "How'd I get in here?"

"I had to drag you." Callista said.

"Oh…did I space out or something?"

"Yup."

"Oh, are you kidding me? Ding-dong was telling the truth." Krystal and Callista looked at where the voice came from and saw Billy sitting with a tall guy that had brown hair and blue eyes. Billy's eye was twitching, but he didn't say anything. Krystal blinked a few times before she recognized the person sitting next to her brother.

"LEADER-SAN!" Krystal shouted and made Taylor, Callista, and Kailynn jump.

"Leader-san?" Kailynn and Callista asked tilting their heads.

"I see you already met --"

"IT'S ALAN, YOU OLD--never mind." (I think he means "$^&%^$!" XD)

Dumbledore just chuckled and said "I'm sorry, I see you met Alan."

"Actually…I've probably have known him for…3 years now I think." Krystal said.

"Ah, that's right, I need to give you four something." Dumbledore said as he went behind his desk to get whatever he had to give to them. He came out from behind his desk with what looked like four pendants dangling from his hand. One of them was red with the Griffyndor symbol on the back of it, another was blue with the Ravenclaw symbol on the back as well, another was yellow with the Hufflepuff symbol on the back, and the fourth one was green with the Slytherin symbol on the back. (Yeah…I know that's not very creative ^^" but it's better than just having the colored stones in them XD)

"Ooh, shiny." Kailynn said looking up from her book she was reading. Dumbledore gave the red one to Krystal, the blue one to Taylor, the yellow one to Callista, and the green one to Kailynn.

"Wait…question." Krystal said as they all got the pendants.

"Yes?"

"Why are we receiving these again? I don't remember doing anything that would make me get an award since I kinda threw a text book a Malfoy and blackmailed--I mean was mean to the students at my other school."

"Nice." Taylor said to Krystal.

"Hey, if I were running the joint, that'd be enough to get you an award." Alan said. Everyone looked at him and he looked at them back with irritation. "Well, I would."

Taylor then pointed at Alan and asked "Can I go to his school?" blankly.

"Yes. You can." Alan said.

"Sweet."

Everyone but Taylor and Billy looked at him and he said "What, it's not like I'm not moving files in your office already--oh, I shouldn't say that out loud should I…"

Dumbledore chuckled and when he did, Alan said "THERE'S YOUR LAUGH BEFORE YOU COME TO DESTROY US ALL!!" Alan said pointing at Dumbledore. "AND I SHOULD KNOW, I ESCAPED DEATH ONCE ALREADY!"

Krystal and Callista tilted their head and Kailynn asked "You did?"

"It's not like YOU had to sit through One Piece, the English dub! I can't believe my soul's still intact!"

Krystal, Callista, Billy, and Taylor all burst out laughing and Kailynn looked at Alan irritated and went back to reading her book.

Dumbledore chuckled once more and said "Well, that's enough, off you go, it's getting rather late."

"Joy, another day to sleep in here." Alan said dripping with sarcasm which earned him another glare from Kailynn.

"Another question."

"Yes, Miss Maurer?"

"Well, first off, it's just Krystal, and second, what about our detention with Snape?"

"Well, to be honest, I've kept you here quite late even though it doesn't feel like it has been that long and I'll ask Severus to cancel the detention."

"Works for me!" Krystal and Callista said as they went out into the corridor.

"Well, later." Billy said saluting them with two fingers and leaving to go into the corridor as well. Kailynn left without a word while still reading her book somehow not tripping over anything as she walked out. If you looked around the room, it seemed that Taylor already left with Callista and Krystal.

"Actually, didn't you need me to get some book from the Restricted Section in the library?" Alan said to Dumbledore.

"Ah, yes. That would be great, thank you."

"FINALLY, FREEDOM!" Alan said as he ran out the room to catch up with Billy. "You're going into the Restricted Section to get me some book, Ding-dong."

Billy's eye twitched and he said "I thought Dumbledore said that you were supposed to fetch it? Plus, you pretty much live in Dumbledore's office."

"Shut up! It's not MY fault that hat is screwed up and needs fixed! Plus you can practically go anywhere you want."

Then Alan bumped into someone and the person said "Watch where you're going, will you?!"

"OI! I don't take that kind of crap from a first year! Besides, maybe you should look at the things in front of you, I mean, come on! How am I not unnoticeable, I'm a giant here! 6'2! Don't ask, it didn't make sense to me either, odd things just happen in this place." Alan said to Malfoy.

"Hey, I know you, you're that pansy kid that had those easy-to-own lackeys from the train." Billy said.

"For your information, Maurer," Malfoy made sure to sneer when he said 'Maurer' "my name is Draco Malfoy--"

"HEY! Maybe you can breathe fire since your first name means 'dragon'!" Krystal said as she came up from behind Malfoy which scared the crap out of him.

"Uh…Tobi…just because his name is Draco, doesn't mean he's really a dragon…" Taylor said.

"Oh…right. But I thought that would be possible since you know, he's a wizard and all." Krystal said laughing sheepishly while scratching the back of her head.

Billy then grabbed Malfoy by the robes and slammed him up against the wall. "Alright look here. You say my last name in that tone again, I'll make sure your face is smeared all across these walls. YOU GOT THAT?!"

Krystal started laughing which caused Taylor to look at her like she needed a therapist. "Wait a second, Billy, isn't he that one dude's kid…that uh…I don't know how to say it…Lu…something." Alan said.

"Lucius?" Billy suggested in a flat tone as he still held Malfoy to the wall.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Uh…Billy, I know he irritated you and all, but you'll get in trouble by his father if he tells him that you almost practically killed him since he's a little snitch and all." Krystal said and saw Malfoy glare at her. "Hey! Don't give me that look, it's the truth! You can't even DEFEND yourself since your such a wimp that you have freaking muscle-for-brains bodyguards and tell your daddy anything that doesn't go your way so it can be fixed!"

"Calm down, Tobi." Taylor said. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Well, blah, it is to me." Krystal said.

Billy finally let Malfoy and when he did, Malfoy then turned to Alan and said "By the way, how on Earth did you get your hair all spikey?"

"I had help from Cloud."

"Who's that?" Malfoy asked looking at Alan like he was stupid.

"You don't need to know who he is! I don't need to know either, but things never work out the way _I_ want them too, it just ends up happening anyway."

"What are you talking--" Malfoy was about to say but Alan cut him off.

"Now that l think about it, I escaped death twice. Ever hear of the Tour de France? Well, I thought that was the tour I was going on, but they lied! It was the Tour de 4kids!" Krystal, Callista, Billy, and Taylor all busted out laughing after he said this.

"We were strapped down and forced to go through every room. I _knew_ the place was having it's scripts typed up by howler monkeys! They stole them from my lab! It's horrible, you never want to go there!" This made all four of them laugh even harder while Malfoy just looked at him in horror as his face drained of color, it was as if he was in a horror movie. (Well…I would _hope_ it would seem like that since it can't really be described as anything else XD)

"L-let's go back to the c-common room, Billy and Neko." Krystal said as she wiped a tear from her eye since she was laughing so hard.

"Y-yeah, if I stay here any longer, my insides will probably burst!" Callista said as she also wiped a tear from her eye. Before anyone could say anything else, Malfoy ran away as fast as his legs could carry him back to the Slytherin common room.

"That kid's lucky I'm not in Slytherin, I would've beat the crap out of him." Taylor said with a blank face.

"Well, see ya, Alan!" Krystal said as she walked back to the Gryffindor common room with Callista and Billy. Alan waved at them and then realized that he still had to get the book out of the library.

"Dang it! I still gotta get that book for the old coot!" Alan said irritated to himself and walked off to the library muttering something about doing stupid errands in order to gain freedom.

As Callista, Billy, and Krystal were walking down the corridor to head back to the common room, they heard cackling and someone yelling and swearing at whoever was cackling like there was no tomorrow. "What the hell?" Callista asked confused as she looked around the corner to see what was going on. "Hey! It's that one guy that has the cat and the one dude that hurt Tobi's nose!"

"Hey, Filch, what's up?" Billy said as he walked over to him.

"Hi--oh, it's you." Filch said as he turned and he had a thankful look on his face as if he was happy that Billy came to save him from Peeves. However, his look of gratitude of him arriving soon turned in an expression of irritation.

"Oh, come on. No 'hello'?"

"Of course not and--dear God, are you kidding me?! Both of you are with him?!"

"You're saying that like it's a bad thing we're here." Krystal said annoyed.

"Ikle firsties!!" Peeves said as he started throwing chalk that he pulled out of no where.

"NOOOOOOO!! TOBI DOESN'T WANT ANOTHER INJURY!!!" Krystal said as she ducked behind a statue.

"Peeves, one of those 'ikle firsties' is my sister."

Peeves suddenly stopped throwing the chalk and his already pale face somehow got even more pale. "Your sister?!" he asked in disbelief as he looked at Krystal with wide eyes. Krystal glared at him and was about to throw something, but Callista stopped her.

"Yeah, and the other one is her friend, so leave them alone, okay?" Billy said with a smile, but there was an evil aura around him that made Peeves nod his head quickly and disappear through a wall.

"Well, you got rid of the bloody poltergeist, I guess." Filch said as he walked away, but then he stopped as if he just realized something. "Wait a tic…WHY AREN'T YOU THREE IN BED?!" He turned around pointing at them.

Callista and Krystal busted out laughing and Billy just said "It took you that long? Wow…that's a new record."

"Quiet, Maurer! What do you think you're doing being out here so late--" Filch started but Krystal cut him off.

"We came from Dumbledore's office. By the way, can I pet the kitty?"

Filch spluttered and said "NO! GET TO YOUR COMMON ROOM!"

"Aw…"

"Just get over it, Tobi. It's not like it's the end of the world." Callista said patting Krystal's shoulder.

"But Tobi wants to pet the kitty!"

Billy hit her on the head which caused her to yell out in pain and glare at him while rubbing her head. "Would you shut up already? You'll wake up the portraits."

"How the crap will I wake up the port--"

"Shut up, will you?! People are actually trying to _sleep _here!" they heard this behind them and Krystal looked at the portrait with wide eyes and walked even faster to the Fat Lady's portrait. The Fat Lady let them in reluctantly since Krystal woke her up by yelling at her to let them in.

"Seriously, they need to have a list of all of the students or something…" Krystal muttered irritated to herself.

"But that would be a very long list, Tobi." Callista said.

"…true."

"Well, later, I'm off to bed." Billy said walking off to the boys' dormitories.

"Yeah, yeah." Krystal said to him waving her hand at him as if it didn't really matter. She then suddenly stopped when her and Callista were walking towards the girls' dormitories.

"What is it, Tobi?"

"Now that I think about it…how the crap are we going to find you a bed?"

"Oh I can sleep on the floor." Krystal raised an eyebrow which caused Callista to roll her eyes and pull out her sleeping bag out of the bag she got from the Hufflepuff room.

"HOLY CRAP! You _brought _that thing?! How the hell did you fit it in there?!"

"Very carefully."

"…I really need to stop asking obvious questions, don't I?"

"Yes you do."

Krystal shook her head and went to bed and Callista followed suit.

Morning came and Krystal came walking into the common room as if she were a zombie. Billy, the twins, and Callista widened their eyes and looked at her like she was an alien. "What the hell happened to you, Tobi? You were just fine last night."

Krystal then suddenly straightened up and looked normal. "Nothing, I just felt like acting like a zombie to scare you guys."

Billy looked at her like she was stupid and hit her right upside the head.

"WHY MUST I BE ABUSED!!??" Krystal shouted which caused her to get the whole common room to stare at her. "WHAT?! DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO?! If not, I'd be more than happy to let you do my homework!"

Some people said "Whatever." and Hermione actually did her homework. Krystal blinked a few times since she couldn't believe they actually took her seriously.

"It was just a joke, but whatever. I didn't have to do my homework!" Krystal muttered to herself.

Then suddenly Alan ran in the room and shouted "I WANT A PONY!" Everyone in the common room stared at him while Callista and Krystal busted out laughing and Billy did a face palm. "I just felt like sharing that with you all, good night."

"It's morn--" Hermione was about to say, but was cut off.

"I BELIEVE I SAID GOOD NIGHT!" he said as he walked out.

"Wait a minute…how the crap did he even get in here?" Krystal said as she stopped laughing and looked at the portrait hole.

"He has his ways. Plus he pretty much lives in Dumbledore's office, remember?" Billy replied.

"I NEVER WANTED TO STAY IN THE OLD COOT'S OFFICE! BUT DO I GET TO CHOOSE WHERE I GO?! OH NOOOOOOOO, I HAVE TO BE IN DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE! IT'S THAT FREAKING HAT'S FAULT!" they all heard Alan say and they all wondered how.

"How the hell did he hear--"

"Tobi, you said you should stop asking obvious questions." Callista interrupted.

"But it's not obvious! No one knows how Leader-san appears into the same room without us knowing, he can freaking hear us while he's all the way out there, and he actually shouted loud enough for us to hear! You'd think that only ONE common room could hear him!"

"Well, you're not exactly any better yourself." Billy said.

"Neither are you, you're known around the whole freaking school."

"…Touché." he said as he walked away to get breakfast.

"Holy crap…I actually won!" Krystal said staring wide-eyed.

"What are you talking--" Hermione was once again cut off.

"I WON AGAINST HIM IN AN ARGUMENT!! YES!! FINALLY, I'VE BEEN GIVEN PITY FOR MY BAD LUCK!!" Krystal shouted and raised her arms in the air as if she was thanking the heavens.

"Woooooow, Tobi." Callista said while the rest of the people in the common room just shook their heads deciding that it was wise not to ask any questions.

"TO THE GREAT HALL!!" Krystal said as she pointed at the portrait hole and ran out of the common room.

"Wait for Neko!!!" Callista said as she ran after Krystal to catch up.

* * *

Well…that was unexpected O.o I didn't think I would end the chapter earlier than Christmas or New Years since I'm so lazy and all…oh well ^^ Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who is reading this. I know it's shorter than the other chapters but I am kinda busy these days after all so…yeah, this is what you get XD Please comment, rate, or add it to favorites if you want to XD I hope you enjoyed it ^^ Actually…I didn't think I would ever get this chapter done at all this month with all the writer's block I had O.o I know this chapter was kind of blah and I didn't exactly have Misa or Itachi appear very much and I sincerely apologize for that ^^" (I just hope they don't kill me for it o.o) Could you guys also pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease tell me what you think about it? I really need to know so I can make it better ^^" Anyway, see ya! ^^ Chapter 6 will come up when it's up XD


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